Tag Archives: Kate Middleton

Wednesday Weeping – The Prisoner Bride

20 Jul

When news of the wedding of Prince Albert of Monaco and his fiancee Charlene Whittstock hit the papers, my instant reaction was: “I don’t care about this other Royal wedding. I only care about Kate Middleton. Who is Charlene Whittstock? No wait, I don’t care.”

However, I have recently become significantly more interested in Monaco’s regal union when I actually watched footage of the ceremony. In the video, the bride, a former Olympic Swimmer from South Africa, cannot control her tears as she stands arm-in-arm with her groom (who happens to be 20 years her senior). Brides get emotional at weddings, so that’s really not so crazy – but these tears don’t seem to be tears of joy, but rather tears of complete and utter misery and fear. She is pictured shaking and wiping her eyes with kleenex as her husband maintains a steely glare and doesn’t offer any sort of comfort or tenderness towards his new bride. When the couple finally kisses, it has all the passion and romance of a kiss that you would give your great aunt Myrtle (the one with the hairy mole on her chin) at your semi-annual family reunion. One can’t help but wonder what the hell is going on here?!

So, I did some research in to the situation, and suddenly the Royal family of Monaco became much more interesting (albeit for entirely different reasons than Wills and Kate). It seems, according to various media reports, that in the year leading up to her nuptials Charlene Whittstock has attempted to escape Monaco and return to South Africa on 3 separate occasions. However, her passport was taken away from her, making it impossible to leave. When she sought help from the South African embassy, they turned back over to the Monacoian* officials. Sweet Jesus. This woman is a captive!

Prince Albert (who REALLY seems like a dick) has at least two illegitimate children that we know of, neither of whom is eligible to be heir to the throne. He’s under pressure to produce a ‘legitimate’ heir, and it looks like Charlene Whittstock is his chosen baby-maker. While she may have been lured by the life of a Princess at one time, based on the wedding video I’d say she’s pretty much over it. The couple are now on their honeymoon to South Africa, but allegations have been bubbling that Albert has fathered yet another child with yet another mistress in the last 2 years, despite the fact that he has been in a relationship with Whittstock for about 5 years. SCANDALS!

Anyway, I’ll be keeping my eye on these two over the coming weeks to see how this whole thing plays out, but in the meantime, you MUST watch this video.

Tell us what you think. Is Charlene getting exactly what she signed up for? Or is she a Prisoner Princess?

*I definitely had to google the proper term for an individual from Monaco. Now you know.

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Royal Wedding Photo Coincidence? I think not.

13 May

Recently a picture has been circulating the internet that has warmed our hearts even more and truly made us believe that the Royal Wedding between Kate Middleton and Prince William truly was a fairytale wedding. The picture below shows William and Kate next to newly-wed Disney characters and then shows Beatrice and Euginie (Fergie’s loovely daughters) next to an image of the ugly stepsisters from Cinderella.

When I saw this picture I swooned. I thought wow, these two really are the fairytale couple. Then my incredible knowledge of Disney movies got the best of me. Now let it be known I do not like raining on people’s parades especially that of the love story surrounding Will’s and Kate. But all you suckers out there need to know the truth. Those pictures are fake.

Let’s start with the Disney wedding that happens to look pretty much exactly like Willam and Kate. Who the hell are these two? The only brunette Disney Princess was Belle. Sometimes Sleeping Beauty looked like she had blonde hair but that is simply bad lighting – it was made in the 1950’s after all. Also, no Disney prince in history has been a member of the British Army, and if there was  one that I’m missing, I highly doubt her was recently dubbed Colonel of the Irish Guards which is what allowed William to sport that handsome suit on his wedding day.

This leaves us thinking that the photo must be of the one and only Cinderella. Cinderella had beautiful flowing blonde hair and did indeed marry her Prince Charming. However, after extensive research it is important to note that there is no proof that “Charming” is actually a Prince at all! In fact, the term Prince Charming is given to a man “with great attractiveness”, which I’ll give him. He is pretty hot for a cartoon. But if Prince Charming’s father dies, he will become the King of Nothing.

And finally we now must take a look at Beatrice and Eugenie. Although these poor girls are much like myself and have names most commonly found in an old folks home, they showed up looking like quite the spectacles at the Royal Wedding. Again, seeing the Disney picture of these two had me SO excited because I had said they look like the Ugly Stepsisters from Cinderella from the get go. Now while they’re outfits do have a striking resemblance to Drizella and Anastasia they are not actually in fact the same colour.

So today I must break the shocking news that these images circulating the internet are in fact fakes. Photoshop is a powerful tool my friends, and it has blindly lead us to believe that the Royal Nuptials were the product of a life imitating art phenomenon.

Below are the two original images from the Disney movies. I will preface this by saying I have used Photoshop to resize these photos but have made no other alterations to the photos.

Sorry kids. But you needed to know the truth.

This Needs to Stop – Sneakers & Business Casual

27 Apr

It has come to our attention at TNTS that many of you are throwing the most basic of fashion tips out the window on your daily jaunt to and from work. We aren’t here to point any fingers, but merely provide some guidance when putting your best foot forward. Ok fine. First we’ll point fingers and then we’ll guide. Nothing like a little shock therapy to whip you into shape.

So, do you know what needs to stop? Wearing sneakers with business casual attire. If you just looked down at your feet to check to see if you are breaking this fundamental fashion rule you likely are. That is unless you’re Justin Timberlake in which case our lives are about to get a hell of a lot more interesting.

But seriously let’s imagine this. It’s the middle of July. Kate Middleton and Wills are rumoured to be in town. You are busting it to work when all of a sudden you see them. And trust us, Kate sees you and you’re crazy white cross trainers. What would Kate do you ask? She would likely throw back her glorious mane of hair and laugh while simultaneously reaching into her Birkin Bag and tossing you a pair of spare flats that she carries around at all times just in case.

While this would make for a great story on your part, Kate is now leaving the city thinking, “Goodness! Halifax was a quaint place, but heavens do they have horrible footwear! Tut tut!!” Now the rest of us get stuck in this mass generalization that our shoes suck.

In today’s world full of giant purses and amazingly good bargains there is no reason for you lovely ladies to be clomping around in your sneakers en route to the office, merely to change into more stylish footware upon arrival. While we can completely understand the functionality of pairing a bright white sneaker with a black pencil skirt and silk blouse, for obvious reasons we can’t understand the fashionability behind it.

So we’d like to introduce to you your new best friend, the flat. Flat’s have been around since the 18th century so it’s not like we’re trying to force you into a dress made out of meat or something. Flats can be just as, if not more comfortable than sneakers AND because they are available in just about every colour imaginable you have no reason to avoid them when putting on your favourite Monday – Friday outfits.

Flats are also an affordable way to spruce up your closet. Joe Fresh is a great place to pick up a great pair of flats you can usually find them on sale!

H&M also has some great flats in their summer collection and for under $20!

Joe Fresh Flats $39 (left) H&M Peep Toe Flats $19 (right)

If you thinking no WAY are fancy little flats more comfortable then my LA Gear kicks we challenge you to a street race. That’s right. We will run all the way down Barrington St. at full speed and prove that we can win races and look great while doing it.

So please, unless you’re in appropriate leisure attire, put away those sneaks. You’ll be glad that you did.