So I started a new job recently, and it’s at an office where people dress like, well, grownups. My last job was just about the least formal place I’ve ever worked (clothes-wise, at least) so I didn’t really have a need to buy new, nicer stuff.
But after almost two weeks at this job, and alternating between my two nice things just about every day, I’m now wearing a hoodie with profanity on it, and sneakers, looking like the sad kid who wandered into the wrong party.
So it looks like I need to go clothes shopping. But here’s the problem: I’m not a thin person, and I’m a guy.
Let’s tackle these problems one at a time: You know when you see a nice pair of sneakers at the store and then you ask if they have a size 12 or 13 and you see the large shoe and it looks straight-up ridiculous? No? Well, trust me. Clothes and shoes look better the smaller they are. It’s just true. These things don’t scale well. And, of course, when you’re a fatter person like me, you’ve got curves to contend with that aren’t helping anyone. So your go-to business casual clothes (dress shirts, sweaters, etc.) look like someone stuffed a beanbag chair into a pillowcase.
And then there’s the fact that your typical mid-range clothing retailer stuffs the men’s section at the very back (clothes stores are designed for women, and they put the men’s section wherever there’s some leftover space), and the selection usually sucks. So you find the one XL shirt in the pile, try it on, hate yourself a little for letting your life get to this place, and then you put it back. Repeat.
So, as you can imagine, I’m not exactly looking forward to my weekend trip to the mall. And not just because I hate malls (too many awful smells, too many awful people).
So I guess I’m just going to keep buying more blazers and purple shirts (seriously, I own, like, 5 of the exact same shirt) and contemplating the decisions that led me here.
Readers: Any suggestions for clothes that look okay-ish on large dudes? Leave it in the comments.